


A Spaceship To You

by delightedpml



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Dan Howell, 2009 Phil Lester, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Inspired by Poetry, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Blood, Poetry, Self-Acceptance, Sexuality, Symbolism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:41:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delightedpml/pseuds/delightedpml
Summary: The sun is far and perilous,But a spaceship I will build.The universe's destruction is worth it,As long as my dreams are fulfilled.(A take on the 2009 Dan and Phil era, written entirely in poetry.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic DOES have a plot line, meaning it's not just a whole bunch of random poems. They do tell a story when you put them together :)
> 
> Also please remember that is this a work of fiction and I am not in any way confirming/saying that Dan and Phil are in a romantic relationship. 
> 
> (This is my first time ever writing a fic so hopefully this is alright. Thank you so much for reading!)
> 
> -Trin

-the sun

I adore the sun,  
And all that he touches,  
He takes the world,  
And shines on it his light.

I admire the sun,  
And how he brightens,  
Even the places,  
That luster could never reach.

I idolize the sun,  
And the warmth he brings me,  
He gives me hope,  
That it will be okay.

I love the sun,  
And the way he calms me,  
For I am an everlasting darkness,  
That only his brilliance,  
Can contain.


	2. Chapter 2

-far

149.6 million kilometers.  
That's the distance I would transcend.  
19 long years.  
My whole lifetime I would spend.  
Why do the most wonderful things,  
Have to be so far away?  
Because baby I see you from dawn till dusk,  
Yet I've never touched your rays.


	3. Chapter 3

-record

I've become a broken record,  
Due to this life he's thrown on me.  
A family portrait is a mirror,  
And my father's eyes are mine.  
For success is simplicity,  
And simplicity is repetition,  
And repetition is everlasting.

He is a broken record.

I've become a broken record,  
Or at least he plans to break me.  
Maybe I haven't reached that point yet,  
But god, it's hard to keep on playing.  
For success is simplicity,  
And simplicity is repetition,  
And repetition is everlasting.

They are broken records.

The music I am isn't what he likes,  
Or what his father likes,  
Or what his grandfather likes.  
The music I am is different,  
And difference is originality.  
But success is simplicity,  
And simplicity is repetition,  
And repetition is everlasting.

I am a broken record.


	4. Chapter 4

-confused

A source for life sustaining materials,  
A necessity for humankind,  
Yet you supply from afar,  
And that isn't enough for me.

I want to touch you,  
To hold you,  
To feel your breath on my face.  
I want to know your smell,  
To know your lips,  
(And maybe know your body too, if you would allow).

I want to cause your laugh,  
I want to hold you as you cry,  
I want to share your creativity,  
I want to be your inspiration to continue, as you have been mine.

I want to rant about life in your ears,  
I want to fill your beautiful head,  
I want to travel the world at your shoulder,  
I want to prove we're the soulmates they say don't exist. 

I want to surround you with myself,  
I want a forever home for us to share,  
I want a friendship that'll last forever,  
I want to you, and all your imperfectly perfect flaws.

But you give what is needed,  
Not what is wanted,  
And you give it from a distance. 

Because you are the sun,  
And to avoid burning everyone else,  
And me too, I suppose,  
You must keep yourself far away.

For a sun too close to Earth,  
Will certainly lead to life's demise...

Or at least,  
That's what he tells me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all you kudos on the previous three chapters <3


	5. Chapter 5

-perfect 

My perfect,  
Has countless flaws,  
And isn't afraid,  
To embrace them.

My perfect,  
Has an incredible mind,  
And uses it,  
To light up the world.

My perfect,  
Has the sky in his eyes,  
And a wind chime laugh,  
That makes my heart soar. 

My perfect,  
Has a saint's heart,  
The soul of an angel,  
That can suffocate all horror. 

My perfect,  
Is too perfect,  
To be associated,  
With a failure like me.

My perfect,  
Should keep away,  
And protect himself,  
From my destruction. 

My perfect,  
Deserves the universe,  
And I am nothing,  
To the universe.


	6. Chapter 6

-notices

It all started with one,  
And that was enough,  
To make my heart burst,  
And my eyes water,  
And my hands shake.

It all started with one,  
And then more unbelievably followed,  
And more,  
And more,   
And more.

It all started with one,  
And disbelief suffocated me,  
Because the words "I think we'd be good friends,"  
Were simply too much.

It all started with one,  
And I began to wonder,  
If I really was,  
The universe my perfect needed.

It all started with one,   
And the sun is too far,  
And the record has to be broken,  
And yet here I sit,  
Prepared to take a space ship to you,  
No matter what the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself, because the next six poems get DARK mwahaha! (I will put possible trigger warnings before each chapter, don't worry.)


	7. Chapter 7

-liar

—Who is this?  
M̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶,̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶,̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶p̶i̶r̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶.̶  
—I said, who is this?!  
T̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶u̶n̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶l̶i̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶.̶  
—Tell me.   
No one.   
—You’re a liar.  
Y̶e̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶m̶.̶


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a very minor reference to physical/mental abuse. No specific details or descriptions are shown/given.

—king

It’s all unstoppable,  
A blur of confusion,  
Just screams and fear and outrage.

This is war. 

Worth the fight? No.  
Eternal and unstoppable? Yes.  
Child verses role model? So he says.

Battle commence.

A fight over a record,  
To snap or to save?  
This is a war put off too long,

But who will win?

White flags are risen by the child,  
And they are undeniably ignored,  
For unlike most wars,  
One side wants this battle to continue. 

He enjoys the torment,  
And the throne he has succeeded,  
And the tyranny he has built.

Success is simplicity. 

He is the king,  
And only his music is played,  
And music with pattern is crucial. 

Simplicity is repetition. 

And what do we do to rebels?  
To those who play different songs?  
That’s an easy question to answer.

Repetition is everlasting.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw// this poem describes physical+mental abuse in great detail. There is also use of the word “r*pe” but no actual action of it. Proceed with caution.

-help 

Punches, slaps, forceful kicks,  
Bruises, cuts, remindful scars,  
Tears, cries, breathless gasps,  
Screams, pleads, hopeless desperation.

Physicalities are horrendous, yes,   
But even more so the emotional destruction.  
Words upon words upon words.  
They numb the visible hurt,  
And expose the horror of the mental. 

They slice, they stab,   
They burn the mind like a wild fire,  
And drown the body in floodwaters.  
Heat and hate and hurt and hearts and hell,  
All a suffocating sense of helplessness and defeat. 

Decades pass before the end,  
Soul ripped from the body and stomped on.  
Mind raped if it’s morality,  
Left with nothing but shatters of hope-once-had.

Hurricanes of mixed thoughts,  
With destruction of the host as their only goal.   
Slaughter of the innocent,  
All “Sacrificed for the greater good.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw// a little bit of the abuse that happened in the last poem is carried through to this one. 
> 
> Also please comment if you think you figure out what the “wormhole” symbolizes haha

—Wormhole 

My ribs are sore and my breath is ragged.  
My gasps are the only sound I hear.  
The buzz inside my head is deafening,  
And yet his words are beautifully clear. 

Enough to drown the ocean,  
My tears fall down my face,  
And yet this excruciating pain,  
Is not the cause of my wrecked state. 

For somehow once again,  
The sun has managed to shine,  
Reaching the deepest cracks within me,  
And lighting up dark days of mine. 

I’ve been beaten till I’ve bled,  
I’ve been whipped with the worst of words,  
Yet I’ve been incased in an indescribable feeling,  
Of love instead of hurt. 

Amidst all the pain,  
He made me wonderfully aware,  
Of a wormhole that would close our distance,  
And that made my heart repair.

The days passed by,  
And my physical wounds healed.  
And while I was terrified for many reasons,  
Nothing would bring my heart to yield.

Because for a chance to hear that voice,  
I would sacrifice my entire life.  
And despite the obvious danger,  
I need to go swimming in those eyes.

While it was painful to do,  
My brain ignored his disgrace,  
And I used the wonderful wormhole,  
And finally traveled through outer space.


	11. Chapter 11

-questions

When did friends become lovers?  
When did “I” become “we?”  
When did the sun hit the earth?  
When did dreams become reality?

When did the feeling become mutual?  
When did he start paying attention to me?  
When did I become worthy?  
When will we be set free?


	12. Chapter 12

-insane 

We must be insane,  
Cause we’re happy as we are,  
Despite all the horror,  
Despite all our scars.

We must be insane,  
Cause we laugh and we smile,  
Despite the lack of days,  
Despite only “a little while.”

We must be insane,  
Cause we’re best friends,  
Despite the far distance,  
Despite how this could end.

We must be insane,  
Cause we’re horribly in love,  
Despite it being forbidden,  
Despite it offending above.


	13. Chapter 13

-questions

When did friends become lovers?  
When did “I” become “we?”  
When did the sun hit the earth?  
When did dreams become reality?

When did the feeling become mutual?  
When did he start paying attention to me?  
When did this thing we have bloom?  
When will we be set free?


	14. Chapter 14

-thrive

“You are a plant.  
You need soil for stability,  
And water for growth,  
And sunshine to thrive.  
While plenty of soil never hurt,  
And while water is rarely too much,  
Extreme amounts of sun will cause you to shrivel.  
Beware his rays, young man,  
For that kind of consumption,  
Will certainly bring your demise.”


	15. Chapter 15

-fascinating 

It’s fascinating how the worst of days,  
Can turn into the best of them.  
It’s fascinating how your happiness,  
Can easily make me happy too.  
It’s fascinating how you can put,  
A smile on my face in an instant.   
It’s fascinating how fantastic I feel,  
While I’m talking to you. 

Cause even though the wormhole is there,  
Spilling us apart,  
I can nearly feel your breath on my face,  
And the beating of our hearts. 

We’re so close,  
And yet so far, my sun,  
But one day soon,   
I’ll build a space ship,  
And we’ll be stopped by no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one’s even reading this fic lol


	16. please read

hello. doubt anyone will care because i don’t think many people were reading this fic anyway, but i’ve decided that at least for now, i’m no longer going to write it. i’ve lost motivation if i’m being honest, but i’m writing something even better now, so hopefully you’ll see it soon. sorry if this makes anyone upset and thank you to anyone who supported or enjoyed reading this ❤️  
-trin


End file.
